The Fall of Matt

This morning, while walking to my car, I slip on some gravel. Somehow, I keep myself from falling backwards or forwards and fall straight down onto my knee. As one might imagine, this did not feel good. I get up and start moaning while Jennifer, who witnessed the fall, runs out the door to see if I am OK. As she runs out, Taco seizes the opportunity, escapes out the door and darts through the yard. Meanwhile, I am trying to walk around and make sure nothing is broken, while whining like a mule. The neighbor, who is out walking her dog, sees me and hears my moaning. She calls over to see if I am OK. “I’m fine! I just like moaning,” I thought to myself. I don’t remember what I said, but I am sure it was something much less colorful like, “I am fine.”

While I make sure everything is still where it should be, Jennifer starts chasing Taco through the yard because we think she is in heat. The last thing a 2-pound Chihuahua needs is to be impregnated by a large dog. Scenes from the movie Alien come to mind. Anyway, in all the commotion, it comes to Grace’s attention that Jennifer has left the door open. Grace, also seeing an opportunity, opens the door and comes out on the deck.

Let’s review. I am beside my car, clenching my knee and moaning like a whiney baby. Taco is running around the yard with Jennifer in pursuit. The neighbor is yelling to Jennifer that Taco won’t hurt anyone (for whatever reason). Finally, Gracie is on the deck bouncing up and down with glee over all the excitement. At least someone was having fun.

Jennifer catches the dog and we all go back into the house to see what has happened to my knee. We pull down my jeans and find a small, but bloody, gash. Gracie immediately thinks she has to stick her finger into it. Jennifer then goes to get some first aid supplies, which leaves me to fend off Pokey (Grace). Did I mention I am still whining? Jennifer comes back in and spays me with the “no sting” chloraseptic spray. It was only “no sting” in the sense that it felt only slightly less like she had treated the wound with lemon juice and salt. Jennifer pats off the blood, gives me a few more squirts of devil spray, and applies the band-aid. While this is going on, Grace has given up on the poking and is now trying to sit down in Jennifer’s lap. Obviously she is distraught that my hairy, bloody knee is the center of attention. Speaking of which, I never realized how hairy my knee is. Generally, that isn’t something I care about, but you think about these things when someone is putting a band-aid on you. After Jennifer finishes with me, Grace sits down with her legs extended in front of her, obviously waiting for Jennifer to apply a band-aid to her leg. Jennifer puts the band-aid on Grace’s leg, which Grace immediately rips off and tries to reapply. I couldn’t help but think if I ripped the band-aid off my ape-like knee I would probably have to bite my lip to keep from screaming.

So, that was my morning. The rest of my day was boring in comparison.

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2 comments so far

  1. DeWitte on

    Nice – Glad you survived. I was thinking it was cold and snowy for a minute but remembered it is the end of summer. If it were icy, I’d expect to fall down. I once walked into the living room when Nathan was younger and I stepped on one of his toys and it slid and I just started falling and landed on my knee too. Since I was inside it didn’t get gashed or anything, but it still hurt.

  2. Donna on

    Matt – You had me laughing my butt off. “It was only “no sting” in the sense that it felt only slightly less like she had treated the wound with lemon juice and salt” and “Devil spray”. I can’t stop giggling.
    And I want that visual of your ape-like knees to vanish from my brain. Thanks.


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